


Awaiting Your Response

by radio_free_hayden



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, M/M, banana fish angst, eiji goes back to america
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:26:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25983574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radio_free_hayden/pseuds/radio_free_hayden
Summary: What happens to Eiji once he returns to Japan?The story takes place after episode 24 so will contain spoilers.I have read Garden of Light so this is like an alternative ending.There's gonna be a lot of angst.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Returning Home

_I know we'll meet again, no matter how far apart we are._

As the plane flies closer and closer to Japan, I can feel the distance growing between Ash and I. Sing said that he gave my letter to Ash and that he said "see ya" but I know Ash, he wouldn't respond like that. I cant help but worry about him, knowing that he's all alone now, no one to love and care for him.

I don't care what he thinks is best for me, he needs to think about what's best for him. I want him to know that he matters too. If, no _when_ , he uses the ticket I put in the letter for him, I can finally show him the love he deserves... I just need to wait. Please stay safe Ash.

~~~

The plane lands after a 14 hour flight and I wait for Ibe to help me get off. This would be so much easier without the wheelchair, but after everything that happened I'm glad that I don't have any worse injuries.

Ibe takes me home where I'm reunited with my family, my parents rush out to greet me. They give the usual "oh we missed you so much tell me everything" talk. I glance over at Ibe and he gives me a worried look. We both know how terrified my parents would be if they knew what we've been through, "um, it's been a long flight, if it's ok I'd like to get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow." I finally manage to get a word in once they stop showering me with attention. They let me go to my room where I can finally relax.

I lay on my bed and cant help but think that Ash never had this kind of loving family and I feel myself missing him again. It's only been a day and I cant stop thinking about him. I sit up and move over to my desk, finding a pen and paper. Staring at the ceiling I let my mind wander, debating what to write.

My last letter took me a long time to write, wanting to properly convey everything I felt that Ash needed to hear, but this time? What do I want the purpose of this letter to be? I could let him know how things are going for me but that might make him feel lonely. I could write about what I'm going to do now that I'm home but that might make him think that I've already moved on.

_Ash,_

Well, that's a start. What would he like best right now? I wonder what he's up to.

_I've landed in Japan safely. I thought you might be worried about that but everything is fine here._

I should probably assure him that I'm ok, even though I'm sure he has much bigger things to worry about than me right now.

_Now that things have died down a bit, I hope you're able to find time to relax. Your health is important, please remember to take time to yourself every once in a while._

Not like he'll listen to that, he's probably already out fighting or running for his life again. I wish I could be there to help but I'm much more of a burden than a relief. Things only really got bad for him once I showed up, maybe now that I'm gone he'll be able to survive better.

_I hope you're able to visit eventually, no rush, but I miss you. I know how much I dragged you down but if the time comes I'd like for us to just, get away from it all... maybe go on a vacation and-_

There's a knock on my door. I quickly hide the letter before moving back to my bed, "come in."

My mother opens the door a crack and sticks her head in, "Eiji, dinner is ready come out and eat." She smiles and wow, I didn't realize how much I missed her.

"I'll be down in a minute, thank you mom."

She quietly closes the door and leaves. They're probably going to want to talk about everything that happened while I was away, but how can I avoid telling them my story, they'd never let me leave the house again.

I eventually manage to get the courage to make my way down to the dining room where my parents are already waiting for me, of course they made all my favorite foods for my return.

"So.... when are you going to tell us how your trip was!" My dad is the first one to speak up, worry across his face at the fact that I still need a wheelchair for long distances. Moving around home is fine but going out in public I'll need assistance.

"Oh actually I'm still pretty tired, is it ok if we save it for another time?" I'm desperate to change the subject, "what did you do while I was gone?"

"Well you know, same thing we do every day, but we were really worried about you! We rarely heard from you and when we did it was always through Ibe." I've never seen my mom this upset before, I definitely can't tell her about what happened yet.

"I'm sorry, a lot of things happened and we were really busy. I'll try to keep in contact more often from now on."

"You're sorry? You're sorry?!? I couldn't sleep thinking something bad had happened to you! What if... what if you had gotten hurt, or worse you had died." I can hear her voice wavering as she speaks. I feel really guilty about everything now.

"I'm sorry, but that's all in the past, I'm here now and I'm fine, nothing really bad happened and I'm safe."

"You call that fine?" Now my dad is speaking up again. I cant take any more of this, I need more time to collect my thoughts.

"Listen, I'm really not up to talk about this tonight. Please just give me time to adjust and then I'll tell you everything. I promise."

"Ok, well as long as you promise, I can trust you Eiji." My mom gives me a supportive glance before we continue eating in silence.

When I finish eating, I excuse myself and go back to my room. I need to finish this letter. I sit back at my desk, my heart still racing from the discussion during dinner. Where was I, oh yeah...

_maybe go on vacation and we could spend some quality time together, just the two of us. Anyway, I hope this letter finds you in good spirits._

Is that too cheesy? Oh well maybe it'll make Ash laugh, he definitely needs more happiness in his life. How to finish it off though, I should do something that only he'll know and appreciate. Staring at the page, I find my mind going blank. I could sleep on it but I want to get this mailed out as soon as possible. OH I got it!

_Since we never finished our Japanese lesson, here's another word for you, Aitai. It means I miss you. I know it hasn't been super long since we last saw each other but I cant help but think about you all the time. Until I see you again, aitai,_

_Love,_ _Eiji_

As soon as I finish writing, I proofread the letter once more before putting it in an envelope and addressing it to Ash. I rush to the door to put it in the mailbox.

"Eiji, what are you trying to mail this late at night? You know it wont be picked up until tomorrow right?" My mom calls to me from the couch where she and my father were watching a movie.

"I know mom, but I want to put this out there before I forget, it's an important letter for a friend." Before she has a chance to respond I'm out the door. I sigh before putting the letter in the mail, please find him and get to him safely. When I walk back inside, I head straight to my room, exhausted by the days events and collapse onto my bed, falling asleep almost instantly. Maybe I'll be able to see Ash in my dreams.

~~~  
  



	2. I'm Waiting

_Ash,_

I start a new letter, it's been a week since I sent my last one and I cant tell if it got lost in the mail or Ash just didn't respond. I hope it's the former, he wouldn't ignore me on purpose.... ok he would and he has but that was just for my own safety. I don't have anything to worry about back here in Japan, it's not like the gangs are gonna travel to the other side of the world to go after one person.

I'm sitting in my room at my desk listening to music just trying to write whatever comes to mind. I'm able to move around without the wheelchair now so I guess that's something good, oh I can write that, 

_things are going well here. I can walk around more without the wheelchair and I've been adjusting to life back home, but it would be better with you here. I hope you didn't lose the plane ticket :p I want to see you again._

Is that too cheesy? I'll keep it maybe it'll make him laugh a bit. 

_I hope you got my last letter. Do I need to teach you how to send a letter back? If you need my address it should be on the envelope... No rush though if you're busy take your time, I'll be here waiting for you._

In my last letter I had a new word that I taught him, what should I do for this one... 

I can't think. I need some air. I get up from my desk and head to the door, "Mom, Dad, I'm going for a walk."

"Ok, bring an umbrella it might rain later." My mom says from the kitchen.

"I will!" I grab the umbrella by the door before heading out. It's so pretty this time of year I wish Ash was here to see it. Don't get me wrong America was beautiful too but there's just something different about seeing flowering cherry blossom trees. I pick up a few petals to put in the letter. 

After an hour the wind starts picking up and I can tell that it's going to rain soon so I head home. I wasn't able to think of anything good to write in the letter but maybe it'll come to me once I sit down again.

"I'm home." I announce before heading back to my room and sitting at my desk. I put the petals I picked up into the envelope right away so I don't forget. I hope Ash likes them. Hope. That's it!

_Just like my last letter I'll give you a new Japanese word to learn. This time it's Kibou. Hope. I hope you're able to come visit soon. I hope you're doing well. I hope this letter makes you happy. I hope I can see you again. I hope you respond. I miss you._

_Love, Eiji_

I seal the letter and head outside to put it in the mail. Now all I have to do is wait for a response.

"Eiji, come help us make dinner." My parents call to me.

"Coming!"


	3. Where Are You?

_Ash,_

It's been about two months since I've been home. Every week I send a letter and every day I check the mail. Nothing. No response. Not even an " _I'm busy, I'll respond later,"_ nothing at all. I'm getting worried that something seriously bad happened to him. But maybe he just moved and didn't tell me? I'm going to believe the latter for the time being. I don't think my heart can handle it if something bad happened to Ash. 

_There's this song going around that reminds me a lot of you and our relationship. I don't know if you've heard it or not so I'll just tell you how it goes._

Before I start writing, I pull up the song on my phone and press play. Feeling the music the word of the letter just flow from me.

_I always thought I might be bad/ now I'm sure that it's true/ cuz I think you're so good/ and I'm nothing like you_

_When Ibe first brought me to America, I was in a really bad spot in my life, but meeting you opened my eyes to a whole new world. I could never be as bold and brave as you and I felt ashamed of that. You always had to protect me and I was just dragging you down because I couldn't handle myself. You're so good at everything and that's part of why I love you so much._

_Look at you go/ I just adore you/ I wish that I knew/ What makes you think I'm so special_

_I always wondered what it was that made you believe in me. What made me so special to you. What made you risk your life for me._

_If I could begin to do/ something that does right by you/ I would do about anything/ I would even learn how to love_

_If I was just a little stronger. A little more brave. Maybe things would have worked out better. I know our version of love is very different than the main definition, but it works for us. We found our own way to make things work. We both have our boundaries and we respect each other. You made me realize there is so much more to love._

_When I see the way you look/ Shaken by how long it took/ I could do about anything/ I could even learn how to love like/ You._

_I feel like this last part is talking about our next reunion. When I see you again. It's been months since I've seen you or heard from you. I cant imagine how it will feel to finally see you again. I miss you so much. I love you so much. Ash, I need you._

I take a break from writing. My hand started cramping. I rub my eyes and, wait how long have I been crying? I knew this song was emotional but I hadn't cried listening to it before. Maybe thinking about Ash and writing the letter made it hit harder? I look over to the edge of my desk and see the reason why I'm writing this letter. 

_For this letter, your Japanese word to learn is hodonaku. It means soon. As in I'm coming back to America to see you. I already bought the ticket and by the time you get this letter I'll be on my way and you cant stop me. So Ash, I'll see you, hodonaku._

_Love, Eiji._

I fold up the letter and put it in an envelope, getting up to place it in the mail. It's early in the day since I wrote this right when I woke up. I wanted to make sure this was sent out right away or the timing would be off. I plan to be board the plane to America as Ash receives the letter. 

After placing the letter in the mailbox I head back inside. I have a lot of packing to do.

~~~

"Eiji I really don't feel safe about you going back to America so soon, let alone by yourself!" My mom has been trying to convince me to change my mind ever since I bought the ticket.

"I have friends there who can help take care of me, and I'm not a child anymore you don't need to worry about me."

"After what happened last time you came back so injured... I just don't want anything bad to happen to you again. I'm worried for you Eiji. America is dangerous. Can't you at least take Ibe with you again?"

"He doesn't need to worry about me. I'd only be bothering him bringing him along. Besides I already bought the plane ticket and I don't think he'd be able to get one for the same flight or the same day. It's easier for me to be by myself. Please just trust me with this." I'm not backing down. I will see Ash again, and I hope he comes back home with me.

"Ok Eiji. I trust you. Just stay safe, and come back healthy."

"Thank you mom." I give her a hug before returning to my room to continue packing.

~~~

It's the day of the flight. I'm standing in the airport terminal waiting to start boarding the plane. I begin to have doubts about whether or not I should be doing this, or if Ash even wants to see me again seeing that he still hasn't responded to any of my letters...

When the flight is called I get on the plane and take my seat, taking a deep breath in preparation to face New York again. Ash, I'm coming for you. You better be ready for me.


	4. Welcome Back

The plane is landing and my mind is racing. This is it, I'm going to see Ash again. I'm so excited but also terrified. What if he doesn't want to see me again. What if he was ignoring me on purpose. No, I cant be thinking about that right now. I'm back in America. I'm back in New York. I need to be careful. Until I find Ash I'm all alone and vulnerable. I don't know the current gang situation and I'd rather not find out the hard way like last time. 

I rush off the plane, grabbing my luggage, and head outside the airport. Wait. Where would Ash be? I could ask around, but who here would talk to me? Let alone recognize me. I didn't really get phone numbers from anyone either. I guess I could check where I've been sending the letters to first. 

I call a taxi and tell the driver the address to the apartment we shared when I was living here.

"Are you sure about that?" the driver asks me.

"Yes? Why?" That was a weird question, but maybe they have to ask that every time.

"That building... it was torn down about a month ago, it's nothing but rubble now."

I can feel my heart drop. Where did the letters go then? Why didn't Ash tell me they were going to tear it down? He must have gotten the first few letters, but why didn't the most recent ones get returned to the sender? Unless Ash was still coming here to get the letters. But if he was why didn't he respond? 

"Hey kid? You're staring off, still want me to take you there?"

"Yes, please." I lean back in the seat and close my eyes as the driver leaves for the destination. So much is running through my head. Mostly fear and concern. Maybe Ash just moved somewhere else for safety. That must be it. Someone was after him and ordered the building to be taken down to force Ash to move and he's just hiding now. And he didn't want to respond and draw attention to himself. That makes perfect sense, that's what I want to believe. Ash please, be safe, I need to see you again. 

"Here we are."

"Thank you." I get out the US currency I have left over from last time I was here and pay the driver, "actually... could you wait here for a bit, I'll be right back I just need to check something."

"Take your time."

I get out of the taxi and walk up to what used to be the place Ash and I shared many memories. It's where we were able to be ourselves. It's where Ash was able to be vulnerable and share his soft side with me. I can't believe it's all gone. I check around for any sign of him, but according to the driver it's been a month since this place was torn down so I doubt there'd be anything to see. I feel the wind pick up a bit and-

_Eiji_

I whip around. I swear I heard my name. It sounded just like Ash. I must be hearing things because I miss him so much. Now that I'm back in America and I'm so close to seeing him again I must be going crazy. 

I walk back to the taxi and get in. "Take me to Chinatown please."

"Any specific place?"

"Yeah, there's this one restaurant."

~~~

"Thank you for the ride." I pay the driver again and get out of the taxi, standing in front of the restaurant Shorter worked at with his sister.

"Hello?" I enter the restaurant and Shorter's sister recognizes me immediately, bringing me over to a table and sitting down to talk.

"How are you doing man, it's been a while."

"Yeah, hey do you know where Ash is?"

"Ash, uh..."

"It's ok if you can't tell me, I'd understand."

"I don't think I should be the one to tell you, let me go find Sing..." She gets up and hurries away. That's strange, but I get it if she's not supposed to talk about where he's hiding, Sing is in charge of the Chinese gang now so it makes sense that he'd be the one to tell me.

Shortly later she returns with Sing following behind, he has a sad look on his face. "Eiji," Sing sits down across from me and grabs my hand, "I don't know how to tell you this but Ash is-"


	5. Reveal

"Sing!" one of his gang members bursts through the door, "we have trouble!"

"Sorry Eiji, I have to take care of this, I'll be back as soon as I can, just stay here and get something to eat or chat with Nadia." With that he ran out and left me behind wondering what he was about to say about Ash.

What could have happened...

Why can't someone else just tell me...

Is it really that bad?

Did he get hurt?

Was he kidnapped again?

"Hey, are you doing ok?" Nadia puts a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm ok... just worried... I'm scared he's hurt somewhere and I can't get to him again...."

"I understand why you feel that way, you were very close to him." She sits down across from me, taking my hands.

"He was my best friend, no, more than that, I loved him... wait did you say were? We're still close... can you please just tell me, where is he?" I can feel tears forming in my eyes, but I will myself not to cry, not yet, I don't have a proper reason to.

"He's... not in New York anymore."

"Did he go back to Cape Cod? Is he staying at his old house? He must have gone there after I left." Everything makes sense now. Of course he would have wanted to escape New York, get away from the gangs. It's safer that way. That must be why he hasn't gotten my letters, maybe I should have sent a copy there too just to be safe.

"Actually-" Nadia is cut off by someone calling for her at another table.

Actually? Did he find a new place to live? Either way, anywhere is safer than here. I can finally relax a bit more now knowing that he wasn't just ignoring me on purpose.

Nadia finishes what she was doing and comes back over to sit down, "sorry about that Eiji."

"Oh it's ok, it's your job nothing you can do about it."

"So as I was saying, Ash is-" she's cut off again by the door opening. Sing slowly closes the door behind him and walks over to me, sitting down next to Nadia across from me. 

"Eiji, I'm just going to say it." He looks concerned and... scared?

"Sing?"

"Ash is dead." He looks me straight in the eyes. 

"No, no no no I don't believe you! He would never have let himself be killed! He was too strong for that. He promised me we'd meet again!" I stand up and run out, no direction in mind aside from away from here. I can hear Sing running after me.

My mind is racing as I run through the streets. I can tell by Sing's face that he's completely serious but I refuse to accept it. He must have faked his death. He's hiding somewhere right? He has to be ok. There was so much we wanted to do together. There's so much we ARE going to do together because Ash is ok, everything is fine. I just need to find him first. 

"Eiji."

I keep running, I don't want to hear it.

"Eiji!" Sing managed to catch up and grabs my arm, turning me to face him.

"No! I can't believe you, I won't believe you!" There are tears running down my face and I can't remember when I started crying.

"Just hear me out, please. Let me tell you everything." He pleads with me and I can tell that he's trying not to cry as well.

"I can't, I don't think I can handle it..."

"I know it hurts, but he would have wanted you to know."

Sing is right, Ash wouldn't want to see me like this, he would have wanted me to be strong, "ok, tell me what happened."


	6. Answers

We return to the restaurant and Nadia gives us both tea to calm down. Sing is sitting across from me gathering his thoughts. I can't believe it. Ash is gone. Ash. The boy who just wanted to be happy. The boy who just wanted to be loved. The light of my life. The only person I've ever truly loved. He's gone. He's free.

"It was as you were leaving." Sing breaks the silence.

I look up at him, giving him my undivided attention.

"After you gave me the letter I ran to the library to find him. I yelled at him for not going to see you off. He said that he wanted you to go back to your world and that his world is too dangerous. I tried to see if he had anything to say to you but... he didn't respond. After that I insulted him and came back to the airport. Later he was found dead in the library with a stab wound in his abdomen. Lao was found outside dead from a bullet wound." He pauses for a moment, debating adding the final part, "he was laying his head on your letter... that's how they found him."

I sit there and stare off into space, processing all the information. Ash. The library. Lao. My letter. It's my fault. "It's all my fault."

"What are you saying? It's not your fault at all. He could have gotten help."

"If I hadn't written that letter then he wouldn't have.... he wouldn't have let that happen. He must have been distracted by it." There are tears stinging my eyes.

"No if I hadn't given him the letter then he probably would't have run into Lao, if it'd talked to Lao before too, I could have stopped everything." Sing put his head into his hands, "I feel terrible about it still but I can't imagine how you feel just finding out."

I don't know how I feel either. I don't really feel anything. I just kinda feel... empty. "Where is he now?"

"What?" Sing lifts his head at the sudden question.

"Where is his body, was be buried?"

"They buried him at his childhood home."

"Oh..." at least he's home, "can you take me there?"

He takes a moment to think, "yes. It's the least I can do for you. When?"

"... now?"

"Now!?! Uh don't you think it's a little late to be heading out?"

"Please, Sing. I need to see him again."

"Alright, give me a minute to get things ready." Sing gets up and heads out, leaving me sitting alone in the restaurant. 

He returns a while later and gestures to me to come outside. When I get out there, he has a car waiting and a few of his gang members are standing around it. We get in and sit in the back while one of his gang members drives. I stare out the window into the darkness. Ash. Are you happy? You finally got away from everything. All the danger. All the fear. You're free. I drift off to sleep to the thoughts of Ash, I can see his smiling face and my heart aches to see him again...

Sing wakes me up a few hours later. It's still dark out but I can see the house we spent a few nights at. I know I wanted to see Ash but now, the emotions are just too much to handle. 

"Ready to go?" Sing turns to me with a worried look on his face.

I take a deep breath, "yes." Ash, I'm here.


	7. Revisiting Memories

The full moon is bright in the clear night sky. Even without lights we can see just fine. We walk up to the small house where Ash and Griffin lived when they were younger. It's the same as we left it before heading to LA. 

"The boys and I are going to stay outside and make sure nothing happens, you can look around inside if you want." Sing hands me a flashlight and gives me a pat on the shoulder before walking back over to his gang. I take a deep breath before opening the door, at least I don't see any rats this time.

I walk through the dark and mostly empty house, remembering the few nights we spent here looking for clues about banana fish. I remember there being letters in Griffin's room so I head there next and luckily I find some blank paper and a pen. Propping the flashlight up on the table, I sit down and lean back in the chair.

What do I want to say? After everything I just found out, how can I put it into a letter?

_Ash,_

_I know you'll never read this but there's so much I want to say. We had so many good times together. And a lot of bad times too. But I wouldn't trade the time I spent with you for anything in the world._

_You used to live here as a child. What were you like then? If we had met then would things have turned out differently? If we had met then would you have been happier? If we had met then, maybe you'd still be here._

_I wish I could have shown you Japan. You probably would have liked it. No need to worry about gangs or fighting, we could be free. We could be happy. We could relax. I could have shown you all my favorite places, shown you where I grew up. I could have shown you all the places special to me, but none of those compare to the places we've been together._

_You asked me if I was scared of you and the answer is always no. But now I'm scared how I'm going to live without you. How am I supposed to move on. I wish I could have seen you one last time. To say goodbye. I know I said that I wouldn't say "sayonara" to you because it wasn't a good-bye, I knew we'd see each other again someday, but now, I'm not so sure about that._

_When Sing told me what happened, I felt so empty inside. Without you, something is missing. It's like my reason for being here is gone. Ash please, I miss you so much._

_-Eiji_

I set the pen down and realize I was crying again. It's really over. He's gone. I fold up the letter, stand up, and head outside by Sing. 

"You good?" Sing's face is full of concern and I know I must look horrible.

"I'm fine, can you... show me where he is?" I clutch the letter tighter, the night wind threatening to rip it away from me.

He leads me over to a spot outside where there's a bouquet of flowers on the ground. There's no grave marker, probably to keep him safe, but it looks like they planted something here as well. 

I set my letter under the flowers to keep it from blowing away. I take a deep breath again, "Sayonara Ash, aitai."

I turn around to face Sing who was watching from a distance, "let's go back."

"Back to New York?"

"Take me to the library." Might as well make one last stop before going home.

Sing smirks, "let's go."


	8. Is This It?

The library.

Where Ash spent his final moments.

Where he decided to let everything go.

Where he finally found peace.

Sing dropped me off at the entrance and had to leave to go take care of gang business. I stare up at the building and it looks more intimidating than I remember. I head up the stairs and go inside. I take my time to look around, picking out some of the books Ash liked to read and finding a seat in the reading room. It's the same seat Ash was in when I found him here after our little argument.

Hours pass by while I'm absorbed in the books. I know why Ash loved this place so much, time seems to stop. The quiet atmosphere, the smell of the books, the light shining in and casting shadows across the room, everything is so calming. I check the time and realize that I should probably get something to eat, my flight back to Japan is tomorrow morning and I'd rather not be sick from an empty stomach. 

I get up and put the books away before walking out of the library, I see the food stand that Ash took me to when we were here. He had me try a hot dog and it was... not good to say the least. I debate getting one in memory of him but decide against it. I settle for something else and sit on a bench outside the library.

Ash.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me most.

I wish I could have given you the letter in person. 

I could have tried to convince you to come with me.

Would you still be here if things had been different?

I know you did what you thought you had to for my safety, but I'd rather spend my whole life in fear with you, than a safe life without you.

If I had another chance to start over, I wouldn't change a thing.

Meeting you was the best thing to happen in my life.

I'd like to believe I was the best in yours.

Ash.

I finish eating and stand up. I start heading back to Chang Dai again to say goodbye to Nadia and Sing. As I'm walking I hear someone run up to me.

"You're Ash's little foreign friend right?" The man practically scowls at me. I have no idea who he is.

"I was yes, who-" something pushes me backward and I look down to see the man holding a knife. It's red. I look down at myself. There's a red stain spreading across my shirt too. Oh, ouch. It feels warm. I look up to see the man running away. Who was he? I press against the dark spot with my hand, and when I pull it away it's covered in blood. That's not good. My head spins. I should sit down. 

I head up the stairs into the library and make my way to the reading room. I sit in the spot I did when I met Ash here. The same spot where Ash.... 

There aren't many people here today which is nice. I set my head down on the table and let my mind wander. 

Ash, I get it now. 

It's better this way. 

Away from all the fighting.

Away from all the anger.

Away from all the fear.

Free from the gangs and the guns and the drugs.

The library is nice, it's cold though.

It wasn't this cold earlier.

It hurts.

Ash, I know now.

I know what you went through for me.

I know how much you cared for me.

I know how much you gave up for me.

I'm tired.

The sunlight is casting a warm glow over me but it's still so cold.

Ash, it's ok now.

No more worrying about me.

No more worrying about protecting others.

No more worrying about what the next day brings. 

It's getting warmer again, this is nice. 

The pain is fading. 

Everything feels numb.

Sayonara America.

Sayonara New York.

Sayonara... everything.

Ash, you are my best friend.

Ash,

My soul is always with you.

I knew we'd see each other again someday.

Ash...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Took a while but I finally finished it! Hope y'all like it, let me know what you think!


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